[distress! a lot of distress, but he tries to push it down.]
I don't think - I mean, I'm not trying to say people don't want your help. They probably do. But if it were you that came back, I think the way they would ask you to help is... probably more nonviolent than what they've been doing. It's not...
[there's another burst of grief, of guilt and regret, as he continues.]
I mean, I get it, you know? I was really determined to help people when I started. But it's... not like I thought it would be. I'm not trying to say you haven't been through a lot or that you aren't responsible or capable, but I think this is one of those things where - it's hard to know the toll it'll take until you've done it. I didn't realize, either.
[she's quiet for a few moments, and then she reaches over to pat his shoulder. there's a bit of a flare of anger in her vibes when he seems to be trying to talk her out of it, at first - but it ebbs away as he goes on.
it helps that she can feel how he's feeling, too. it makes it feel less condescending than it would if she couldn't.]
I know, but... I think this place is going to take a toll on us no matter what. I'd rather have a hand in it myself than just... know that people are out there trying to do something, but not do anything other than keep quiet about it so that the others don't figure that out. You know?
...Honestly, I'm not even sure if it works like that. I mean, we kind of had to gradually add more members so the world itself didn't notice, I'm pretty sure, so adding someone else in without getting permission might be a risk the same way that telling people what was going on would be.
[a beat, another moment of something close to sadness.]
But I don't - I mean, I wish there was more than one of those auction things. I know you said you think it'll be Mollymauk, but you deserve the chance to go back, too.
[well, she was going to say something - who knows what? maybe she was going to say "okay, i'll just do a bunch of solo kills then to help out!" - but rupert's follow-up throws her for a loop.
the muted vibes are replaced by feelings of complete shock, and there's something vaguely touched under them.]
[she seems surprised! she was fully ready to just kill manwol a different way until she got hit by that car, so it's not like she was trying to fight the whole "fight to the death" thing.
Not even just to you. I was kind of mean to the bear when I first got here, too. So it's just... you know. Even though I haven't been as nice as I was before we both ended up here, it's... kind of you to keep treating me the way you always have.
...Of course I'm not going to blame you for being angry and unhappy. I mean - not that I'm saying we should be taking it out on each other, but... It's like you said. This entire situation is incredibly messed up. It's harder to be nice when you're dealing with things like that, right? But the fact that you realize it and you're trying to change it... That's really good of you, too.
[wow this is enough emotional vulnerability for one day though she's going to back off out of the emotionshare range. she's still here! she just has to raise her voice a little to talk.]
So. Um. I guess we should get ready to watch what happens tomorrow? ...and maybe we should discuss with everyone what we want to put on the marquee.
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[distress! a lot of distress, but he tries to push it down.]
I don't think - I mean, I'm not trying to say people don't want your help. They probably do. But if it were you that came back, I think the way they would ask you to help is... probably more nonviolent than what they've been doing. It's not...
[there's another burst of grief, of guilt and regret, as he continues.]
I mean, I get it, you know? I was really determined to help people when I started. But it's... not like I thought it would be. I'm not trying to say you haven't been through a lot or that you aren't responsible or capable, but I think this is one of those things where - it's hard to know the toll it'll take until you've done it. I didn't realize, either.
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[she's quiet for a few moments, and then she reaches over to pat his shoulder. there's a bit of a flare of anger in her vibes when he seems to be trying to talk her out of it, at first - but it ebbs away as he goes on.
it helps that she can feel how he's feeling, too. it makes it feel less condescending than it would if she couldn't.]
I know, but... I think this place is going to take a toll on us no matter what. I'd rather have a hand in it myself than just... know that people are out there trying to do something, but not do anything other than keep quiet about it so that the others don't figure that out. You know?
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[a beat, another moment of something close to sadness.]
But I don't - I mean, I wish there was more than one of those auction things. I know you said you think it'll be Mollymauk, but you deserve the chance to go back, too.
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the muted vibes are replaced by feelings of complete shock, and there's something vaguely touched under them.]
...you really think that?
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Of course I do.
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[she really does not seem to know how to respond to that. wow.]
I. [...] ...thanks. For saying that.
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[there's that same grief and guilt from a second ago!]
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so it's pity, then. there's some slight recognition in her vibes as she realizes that, and she looks down.]
Guess I should have listened to her and snapped her neck when she told me to.
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I think... I mean, maybe it wasn't the right move to not end up here, but - I think it's really admirable that you didn't listen.
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[she seems surprised! she was fully ready to just kill manwol a different way until she got hit by that car, so it's not like she was trying to fight the whole "fight to the death" thing.
she just didn't like being told what to do.]
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Of course I do.
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but she smiles.]
Thanks, Rupert.
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You don't have to thank me when I'm just acknowledging that you did something cool. But - you're welcome.
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[she giggles]
...but no, I just mean... in general. You're really nice to me even though I was kinda, uh... you know...
[rude
when he got here.]
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You were kinda...?
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[...]
Not even just to you. I was kind of mean to the bear when I first got here, too. So it's just... you know. Even though I haven't been as nice as I was before we both ended up here, it's... kind of you to keep treating me the way you always have.
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...Of course I'm not going to blame you for being angry and unhappy. I mean - not that I'm saying we should be taking it out on each other, but... It's like you said. This entire situation is incredibly messed up. It's harder to be nice when you're dealing with things like that, right? But the fact that you realize it and you're trying to change it... That's really good of you, too.
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...thanks.
[wow this is enough emotional vulnerability for one day though she's going to back off out of the emotionshare range. she's still here! she just has to raise her voice a little to talk.]
So. Um. I guess we should get ready to watch what happens tomorrow? ...and maybe we should discuss with everyone what we want to put on the marquee.