then again, if she was well and truly dead because of him, she wouldn't even be around to be frustrated, so. maybe that's why - because although the execution sucked, dying doesn't really feel real.]
...I wish I could have said something the first time I had to hurt someone without risking something worse happening. Honestly, sometimes I kind of wish I had said something even with the risk.
[he takes a breath.]
People were really upset about what happened, you know? I was, too. We all care about you a lot.
I would have helped if I'd known we needed saving. [...] Instead, now everyone's just upset because of what happened to me. That's not what I wanted...
[holy shit. he looks - pretty surprised for a second, actually, but after a second:]
We couldn't tell anyone except the people we wanted to invite. That's kind of how it works. [...] And even if we could have, it's... different than you think it is, I can almost guarantee. I knew it had to happen, and I knew that it would make the both of them safe, but I still - actually doing it is so much worse than you could imagine. I wouldn't have wanted you to do that.
[but, after a beat:]
But I didn't want what happened to you to happen, either.
- because I accepted that sometimes I'm going to have to do things that are hard. It was passed on to me by my grandmother. [...] I don't think anyone wanted you to have to do what you did, either.
...We were allowed to pick four names the first week I was involved and six the second week. All of us picked people that we thought - would want to help, and could handle it. But out of the names we gave, one of them was selected, and that was the only person we were able to invite.
[that's the easier part, so he starts with it, tackling what she said first next.]
I'm not trying to say that you aren't brave or strong or anything like that. If I could do it, I'm sure you could have. Anyone can see you're pretty tough. But you shouldn't have had to. That's the point.
No, it was just Chad. I think the same rule about, like... not letting anybody know applies to the other three dorm heads, too, so if you talk to them - I'm gonna ask that you not risk saying anything about it. The whole unpredictable consequences thing, you know?
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What is it...?
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[and she's frustrated by that!!
then again, if she was well and truly dead because of him, she wouldn't even be around to be frustrated, so. maybe that's why - because although the execution sucked, dying doesn't really feel real.]
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Is it that bad...? Not being angry is a good thing, right? I mean, I don't like being mad, it's not a good feeling.
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[here they are!]
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[but...]
Just - I didn't want any of this, either.
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[mmmmgh. her brow furrows, and she fiddles with her necklace.]
...I know you didn't. That's probably why I keep catching myself acting like it's before we both died.
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[he takes a breath.]
People were really upset about what happened, you know? I was, too. We all care about you a lot.
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[she's still fiddling with her necklace.]
I would have helped if I'd known we needed saving. [...] Instead, now everyone's just upset because of what happened to me. That's not what I wanted...
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[holy shit. he looks - pretty surprised for a second, actually, but after a second:]
We couldn't tell anyone except the people we wanted to invite. That's kind of how it works. [...] And even if we could have, it's... different than you think it is, I can almost guarantee. I knew it had to happen, and I knew that it would make the both of them safe, but I still - actually doing it is so much worse than you could imagine. I wouldn't have wanted you to do that.
[but, after a beat:]
But I didn't want what happened to you to happen, either.
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[she taps a finger to her necklace.]
- because I accepted that sometimes I'm going to have to do things that are hard. It was passed on to me by my grandmother. [...] I don't think anyone wanted you to have to do what you did, either.
How did you choose who to invite...?
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[that's the easier part, so he starts with it, tackling what she said first next.]
I'm not trying to say that you aren't brave or strong or anything like that. If I could do it, I'm sure you could have. Anyone can see you're pretty tough. But you shouldn't have had to. That's the point.
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[hmmm...]
Selected by who? Because if it was just you guys choosing someone together, wouldn't you have just settled on one name instead of four or six...?
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[HELLO? WHO IS PULLING THE STRINGS HERE??]
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[she nods once]
Don't worry. I know how to keep secrets.
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[ :3 ]
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You think so?
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